Writing the Waves

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There are so very few things in our lives that we have the capacity to control. Our human need for controlling the world outside of us (i.e., people, circumstances, reactions, and recognition) is, like all common human traits, rooted in an evolutionary biological fix that made the specific line we came from better able to survive and reproduce than others. But just because that need to control is innate in us, doesn't necessarily mean its suited for the worlds we regularly inhabit.

It's Thanksgiving morning and I am imagining you are preparing to go to someone's home for Thanksgiving or to welcome people to yours. There’s always a lot of anticipation for these yearly events, along with a great amount of anxiety, perhaps a bit of PTSD, but with, nonetheless, not a small amount of hope. We want these moments to be more like the final scene of, “When Harry Met Sally,” than the You cut the turkey????!!!! scene from the movie, “Avalon.” Without going too far down the proverbial 1980’s sentimental movie theme, I offer you some free advice as you anticipate Thanksgiving today: “Eat the giblets, don’t take the bait.”

If you’ve ever made a turkey from scratch, you know what the giblets are: the heart, liver, gizzard, and neck of the bird that some butcher kindly placed in a little bag, tucked up into the carcass, for later use or disposal. This year, eat the giblets. No, I don’t mean that you should go all Hannibal Lechter on them (another movie reference). I mean, do it different than you have in the past.

Sit with someone else than you usually do. Talk about different things than you usually do. And yes, unlike the TV talking heads advice, do seek to have difficult conversations. Because if we can’t have civil and difficult conversations at the Thanksgiving table with friends and family, then what business is it of ours to be doing it in the public square, and especially on line, when it feels anonymous (or at least “safer”)? So eat the giblets BECAUSE they feel strange; they are just off-putting parts of the turkey that remind us that it once was a living and breathing creature. And the “giblets” of our families and friends that come across as alien mind viruses in comparison to where we may stand? They too are worthy of that same openness.

And the second piece of advice – Don’t take the bait. Your familial “adversary” isn’t the sum total of their political opinions, and neither are you. There is plenty more to your
“mishpuchah” sparring partner than which box they check in the polling booth, which sign they might hold up at a rally, and in which era, country, generation, or identity they place the greatest amount of blame for “ALL OUR PROBLEMS.” Don’t take the bait, because we all want to continue swimming in the same pond. Our world is better when we are together. When we understand that the value of each other far exceeds our opinions that we express.

And when one of our friends or relatives finds their way into public office, do use every tool in the book to sway their opinion towards what you passionately believe. But until
that point, let them be who they are today and in this moment. Love them for all they mean to you and the family and the community. And enjoy the fruits of our labor. For all
of us are far more than our opinions and each of us is worthy of being heard.

Happy Thanksgiving to you, to your family, and to your friends. May this day remind us of all the blessings that are ours to appreciate and celebrate, and then may it instill in us even more strength to fight the good fight for what we believe.