Hear Our Voice

Years ago (I can say that, now that I am 50!), Natalie and I were trained as facilitators by the Union of American Hebrew Congregations (now the Union for Reform Judaism) for a series of “outreach” programs for interfaith families. A title of one of the most often quoted books for the programs was, “I’m Jewish, You’re Christian, What are the Kids?”  One of the most “heart-wrenching” sessions we were taught to teach and lead was called, “The December Dilemma,” which centered around the “harrowing” challenges for interfaith couples in maneuvering the “dreaded” month of December when Chanukah and Christmas were necessarily at “loggerheads” (as too were intermarried husband and wife) ostensibly with each other.  I remember one session hearing how a Jewish partner worked so very hard to keep her non-Jewish partner busy on Christmas so he didn’t feel too badly that he wasn’t celebrating with his family of birth.  This a happy [interfaith] marriage does not make.

For the rest of December, I invite you to keep your eyes and your ears on this blog as I attempt to meaningfully tackle the issues above and others like them, that ostensibly arrive especially during the month of December.

In this post, I want to offer a short and sweet “love” note to the Baby Boomer and Gen X parents of young adult children who are married to, engaged to, seriously involved with,  or just seem to prefer non-Jews as their romantic partner.  Some of you are asking yourself, “Where did we go wrong?”  We did Shabbat and Jewish summer camp and Israel; we schlepped them to religious school and Bar/Bat Mitzvah practice; we even took the Rabbi’s advice and sang or played Jewish night-night songs to them (even though we had never done so ourselves and it felt quite awkward to delve into spiritual things as adults.) 

To you, I say, “Nothing.  You did nothing wrong.  Our grandparents’ greatest dreams were all about the hope for freedom and opportunity and the disappearance of obstacles that would arise because of our faith.  You did nothing wrong and you have nothing to be ashamed of.  73% of all married American Jews today are married to someone who isn’t Jewish or who at least was not born Jewish.  As I have written before, intermarriage is the ocean and our job today, is actually of an even more pristine value.  Today, in a world in which intermarriage is so very common, as is inter-racial, inter-gender, inter-sex, international, the Jewish question is not how to maintain our Jewish genealogy; rather the Jewish question is how to imbue our lives with Jewish values and meaning, such that our sacred inheritance continues to uplift the lives of our children and grandchildren in ways that Judaism uniquely does. 

So enjoy and celebrate and invite and behold the love you have for your children, their partners, and their seed.  For channeling love is what Jewish practice is truly all about. And that is the opportunity that is presented before you.